It started with a tea party
by Kyubak
Summary: Linu is going to do a tea party for most henchwomen. And she's going to cook! It already sounds like an adventure. Decided not to bash Aribeth nor put her in the story.
1. Chapter 1

_Authot (Buffon)'s note: This is a somewhat funny fic about a tea party with the henchwomans. It came to my head and I had to post it :)._

**General Disclaimer: I don't own Neverwinter Nights, its expantions or characters. Everthing belongs to Bioware.**

It started with a tea party...

Linu was thinking about what to do tonight. She had already had an accident at the temple of Sehanine, something she was not very proud of. After that she returned to her house, only to find out that it was empty, her parents left, probably to steal something, she thought, and scowled.

Then, an idea came to her head. A party, she smiled to herself. She could cook, for she remembered a few techniques of cooking. And make the decorations. Then she called to the messenger. The man asked, rather fearfully, what did she wanted. That isn't fair, thought Linu, she had only threw the alchemist fire when she tripped on a stone. The fact that he had oil near him wasn't her guilt... at all.

Then she gave him the instructions and a pack of gold. Of course, in normal cases she should give him just forty pieces of gold, but, being her, she had to give him an "insentive" for any accident. The elven messenger went out of the La'neral house in order to invite the not-so-fortunate females (if they accepted to go to the tea party, but since the author wants action he shall make them go).

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The messenger reached Cormyr, his breath too fast. Damn that girl, thought the elf. Then he followed the instructions the priestess had given him. He reached to the palace of Cormyr. Then, he went directly to the doors... which had grouchy guards.

"Excuse me, but I need to enter" he said, only to earn a nasty look from the guard of the left. "What do you wish with the king?" he asked suspiciously. The elf shooked his head and said "Nothing, it's with his personal bard, Sharwyn, whom I wish to talk." Then, he handled a sheet of paper.. The guard, gave it to the other guard, and the other returned it to him, and the other gave it back, and so... Why? Because they didn't know how to read. Then, the doors opened.

A beautiful human woman appeared, her long red hair lashing behind her back. The guards drooled, said a pityful "You're HOT" and drooled again. The bard smiled, and then looked at the messenger. "What do you want?" she asked curiously.

The messenger ignored her word, for he was ocuppied oogling her. "WHAT do you want?" she said, her voice reaching other levels the messenger would have gladly not known, "Ah, ehem, well read this and tell me yes or no." Sharwyn threw a dirty look at the messenger and said "The Moonstone Mask is very far, sir. And I'm NOT a working girl."

The messenger blushed and said "It's not nothing like that, lady Sharwyn. It's an invitation" the elf smile, something Sharwyn didn't enjoyed because the man had not washed his teeth since he left Everaska. Then she read the paper:

_**Dear Sharwyn:**_

_**You are invited to my tea party, alongside with the other henchwomen that worked with the Ramdom Hero. There shall be tea, of course, made by me, cookie and a cake. After that, we shall think what to do after because the author doesn't want to make any spoilers more than what this letter says.**_

_**With love**_

_**Linu La'neral.**_

_Made by her! I'm not going to that party never!_, thought Sharwyn. Then she saw something at the end of the letter.

_**PS: If you don't go, Deekin told me about your hair Sharwyn, and I can tell everyone**._

Sharwyn looked horrified at the PS and thought about killing a certain kobold bard who didn't keep his promise and made her waste thirty pieces of gold. Then she gave the elven messenger a lovely smile. "Tell Linu that I'm going" she said sweetly. The messanger bowed and left.

_Yes, yes, yes. Linu the good, Linu the gentle. For me she is Linu the damn extorsionist. _


	2. OHH NOOO!

I'm no humor writer, so sorry if this chapter is not funny, I just try my best :(, hope you still like it

OH NOO!

_The next henchwoman is... Dorna Trapspringer_, the elven messenger scowled. Now he had to travel to Hilltop. He went as fast as he could,, not without being chased by some angry farmers for stepping on their animals and stuff, and after that he looked at the coins Linu gave him, just in case... they could be cursed with the priestess' escence.

Then, he finally reached Hilltop, thanks to the author's laziness. The messenger was trembling, the cold could do that. Then he sneezed, and cursed (again) Linu. He saw the village.

_Oh Colleron, those houses look warm_, he said to himself, tentation flowing through his head. As soon as he thought of asking without too much shame to any house's owners about letting him in, he saw a female dwarf walk randomly at his side.

_Dorna Trapspringer_, thought the messenger, recognising rather magically the dwarf. Noting the elf's stare, Dorna looked at him oddly "Do ye want anything,elf?" She asked. The messenger seemed ashamed, and with reason, Who in heaven's name would go around looking people directly? "Ermm, sorry, but this invitation is for you, milady." And he handled a sheet of paper to the female dwarf.

**_Dear Dorna:_**

**_You're invited to my tea party, alongside with the other henchwomen who worked alongside with the Random Hero. There shall be tea, of course, cookies and a cake. After that, we shall think what to do because the author doesn't want to make more spoilers than those of this letter._**

**_Love, Linu La'neral._**

_Sure, a party of elves, the posibility of going there is also the posibility of the existence_ _Lord Nasher's brain_, thought Dorna cynically.

But something was going on in Linu's home. Wanna know, then follow me and do not break anything... That's Linu's job.

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"Hey, I'm not so clumsy" said Linu to the omnicient presence of the author. "Yes, you are" said Kyubak, "Now let's follow with the story, shall we?" and the author continued with his typo errors and horrible grammar.

A red haired hafling with a cheeky grin around his face walked inside of Linu's hall. Linu awaited him with a lovely smile. "Oh Tomi, for once you made your promise" she said.

The already identified hafling casted a grin (why haven't they called him "scowl", huh?) "Tomi always does what he promises, well except for that time when I stole the cakes of grandma, and well, also when my little brother fell from a cliff and I promised to save him, and well..." the grin faded and scolw occupied the thief's rounded face. The last part of the sentence would have been a great literary recurse if it hasn't been interrupted by the author's idiocy for saying that scowl would have been a nice name for him. Tomi "scowl" Undergallows, THAT is intimidating. "ARGHH! WHATEVER! Shut up, Kyubak! Ahem, what did ye want, honey?" he asked, the scowl dissapearing and the grin taking its rightful place.

Linu had a smile in her face, a radiant smile. "Let's get to the busyness, dear. I teleport you and you do the dirty busyness and I take care of the party!" she beamed, and noticed Tomi's glare "Alright, alright, here you are, your money. Hmf, you rogues can't do anything without a reward." Then, Tomi looked at her expectanly "What?" she asked. Tomi casted a grin "Insentive" he said. Linu let out as exasperated sigh and handled a LOT more of money. Tomi looked with something that could be refered as lust, making the author gag.

"Alright, go, go, GO!!" she said hastingly and started casting a teleportation spell. In a "swift ee fleesh", he was gone.

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"Sorry, but ye'll have to go to Everaska and tell the elf that I be not coming" she said to the messenger.

Then, in the shadows, Tomi waited. He approached to a random villager and stole, rather visibly, a bit of money. The random villager saw the crime and screamed in a quasi-femenine voice "He stole me, may a true man come and save ME"

Tomi went into Dorna's direction and gave her the money saying "Hey hottie, these are for ye!" and with one of those grins that made the author want to have his hands around a hafling neck and press, press and PRESS, he left the scene.

Dorna saw a crowd with tridents and torchs near her, then said calmly at the elf "Ye know, maybe that party not be a bad idea" and she gave him the money and left.

The messenger casted a horrified look at the crowd, then at his hands, and screamed "OHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".

Poor messenger, don't you think?


	3. Into the Underdark

_Buffoon... errr... Author's note: The character are completely OOC, but hey, it still gets. Hope you like it :D._

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to WoTC, Bioware, and someone else... Well, with the exception of the fic perhaps. **

Into the Underdark

(Otherwise known as "Mommy, where are my other Pampers?")

The last victim... err... henchwoman is Nathyrra Ka'antar. Suddenly, the messenger felt something heavy and stinky in his old pampers. He was going to the Underdark to search a DROW ASSASSIN!

Then, with the few magical tricks he had, he teleported to the Underdark. Unfortunately to him, he was near a colony of Mind Flayers. Their sticky tentacles started shaking in hunger, then, the entire colony went directly to him.

And they starved. The poor messenger was also poor in brain.

Then, the messenger used his elven grace to escape from the ugly octopuses-like creatures. And he tripped in a stone, making a stone avalanche fall to them. Thankfully, he was under a lot of Mind Flayers, receiving less hits.

The messenger went into a drow encampment, where there were many drow, hence the name of the place. The drow there were rather nice and went in little clothes, particularly the females, something that the messenger found pleasant to his sight. Then, he reached a temple of the goddess of the dance, moon, swords and other things, Eilistraee.

Then, he opened the door, and with the elven grace the messenger had, the door collapsed right into his head. "Sorry, I should have predicted that. I told you that we had to repair that Nathyrra" said a voice that loaded with the ages of the world, yet was at the same time melodic. "Yes, momma Seer" pouted another voice. Then, the messenger's eyes had a light. The last victim... err... henchwoman at last. He smiled gratefully. Soon, this would end.

But he felt another presence. A figure walked inside the room. It was intimidating, yet at the same time soft and gentle. Terrible and good. He was the Random Hero.

And to waste the last description with a crappy dialogue, the Random Hero said "Dear, where are my pants?".

Nathyrra scowled. "How the hell could I know where you put that?! Momma Seer" said the assassin, directing her to the woman with the silvery-white gown "Why did you tell me to marry him? He's so stupid and lazy and... and... random"

"Well, at least I don't live with my mother!" screamed the Random Hero. "No, you're living with your mother-in.-law!" screamed back Nathyrra.

The Seer couldn't bear it anymore. "SHUT BOTH OF UP!" she bellowed. Then, she magically calmed down and said to Nathyrra "Dear, please let our cousin elf finish her... errr... his talk. And you" she looked at the random hero and handled him his pants "You must be lucky. A yoclolth was about to eat it in the outside of the rebel camp. Now cover your random underwear"

The Random Hero nodded gratefully at the Seer. And then he put his pants.

"Well, now please read this, lady Nathyrra" said the messenger, handling a note to the assassin:

_**Dear Nathyrra:**_

**_You're invited to my tea party alongside with the other henchwomen who worked with the Random Hero. There shall be tea, of course, cookies and a cake. After that, we shall think what to do because the author doesn't want to make more spoilers than these of the letter._**

**_Love, Linu La'neral._**

"I won't go" said Nathyrra, making a desire burn inside the messenger: the desire of committing assassination to the assassin.

"Yes, you will" said the Seer, "Linu has been your friend from a long, long time. She was the one who resurrected you after your death at the hands of the drow of the Valsharess"

"But momma, I don't wanna...!" and then, the Seer's glare penetrated in the mage's soul. "Alright" she breathed.

"Yay! Nathyrra is gone!... ermm... I mean, Oh how sorry I am, my love, I-" said the Random Hero, and before he could complete his sentence, Nathyrra took her poisoned dagger out of her hilt. The Random Hero became a Random Coward Wizard and left teleporting himself.

Then, she and the messenger, who was relieved his business there was over, went out of the Temple. Not without the Seer saying to the messenger that he should change his pampers. But anyway.

Then, they were ambushed by a group of Beholders. "DAMN!" screamed in unison Nathyrra and the messenger "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!".


End file.
